caught in between

a couple more days until June arrives. hence, another academic year is in tow.

this will be the second academic year since i left UP. it’s just weird. i have this inexplicable longing for school, and UP, or what-not’s. the idea of no longer having to deal with readings and critical analysis has managed to console me quite briefly. but i’ve come to realize that demanding class requirements only entail a meager percentage of my entire schooling experience.

i can’t even begin to list the pro’s and con’s of being employed as opposed to being a student. no one, in their right minds, would choose to be a student again, especially after securing a job. except for a select few. but definitely not full-time.

to be quite honest, my job has never posed as much challenge as my creative writing or critical theory classes have had. right now, i feel like i’m contained in a tiny little box, in that fetal position, not knowing whether i have to open it up myself and let myself out, or if someone will arrive to pull me out there. that’s a harsh and hopeless situation!

now that i’ve mentioned that, it just struck me that maybe the lack of critical drive have caused this static environment within my work routine. unlike in our classes back in UP, every session offers variety and new insights from both ends of the spectrum. while in here, i barely even get to speak to my officemates. it’s just me and the computer. period.
hopefully, this new assignment i got will give me the much-needed boost as i continue to ponder on my confused state. i just hope to continue to grow..that’s all!

maybe i just have not come to full terms yet with the separation. its like a child being cut away from her mother but there’s still that unspoken bond. or maybe, i have just mistranslated the signal, and i rather associated UP with the people i spent my time there with.