arcadia

Smart is as Smart does

A professor stood before his class of 20 senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam.

“I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after the summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a ‘B’ for the course.”

There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up, passed by the professor to thank him and sign out on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, “Any one else? This is your last chance.” One final student rose up and took the offer.

The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. “I’m glad to see you believe in yourself.” he said. “You all have ‘A’s.”

Amnesia Revisited

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before.—Steven Wright

Beauty vs. Brains

“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” — Unknown

Computer Truism #5273

All computers wait at the same speed.

Computer Truism #7822

Continuing Education

One newspaper columnist thinks it’s a bad idea to encourage teachers to continue their education. “The smarter they get,” he reasons, “the more likely they are to get into some line of work that pays real money.”

How to tell if you’ve already had too much of the 21st Century…

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
3. You haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5. You call your son’s beeper to let him know it’s time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, “What’s for dinner?”
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn’t give your spouse a valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your college roommate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
11. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the screen.
14. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
15. The concept of using real money instead of credit or debit to make a purchase is foreign to you.
16. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
17. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
18. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
19. You refer to your dining room table as your flat filing cabinet.
20. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
21. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
22. You’re reading this.
23. Even worse… you’re going to send the URL for this page to someone else.

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