caught in between

a couple more days until June arrives. hence, another academic year is in tow.

this will be the second academic year since i left UP. it’s just weird. i have this inexplicable longing for school, and UP, or what-not’s. the idea of no longer having to deal with readings and critical analysis has managed to console me quite briefly. but i’ve come to realize that demanding class requirements only entail a meager percentage of my entire schooling experience.

i can’t even begin to list the pro’s and con’s of being employed as opposed to being a student. no one, in their right minds, would choose to be a student again, especially after securing a job. except for a select few. but definitely not full-time.

to be quite honest, my job has never posed as much challenge as my creative writing or critical theory classes have had. right now, i feel like i’m contained in a tiny little box, in that fetal position, not knowing whether i have to open it up myself and let myself out, or if someone will arrive to pull me out there. that’s a harsh and hopeless situation!

now that i’ve mentioned that, it just struck me that maybe the lack of critical drive have caused this static environment within my work routine. unlike in our classes back in UP, every session offers variety and new insights from both ends of the spectrum. while in here, i barely even get to speak to my officemates. it’s just me and the computer. period.
hopefully, this new assignment i got will give me the much-needed boost as i continue to ponder on my confused state. i just hope to continue to grow..that’s all!

maybe i just have not come to full terms yet with the separation. its like a child being cut away from her mother but there’s still that unspoken bond. or maybe, i have just mistranslated the signal, and i rather associated UP with the people i spent my time there with.

nostalgic feat

April 30. Today’s the 17th month for our relationship, just in case you did not already know.

We have been doing this (celebrating, that is) for almost a year and a half now, but whenever it’s the end of the month, I still get butterflies. There is still that air of excitement and anticipation; indeed very reminiscent of that first solo date that we had about two years ago. It was so much like in high school, but then again, it felt good while it lasted.

So, fast-track to the present. Passion has not even dwindled, as some have predetermined. Just because he is a bit younger, a few people thought that we wouldn’t even get this far into our relationship. (Even his old friends, who knew his reputation back in high school, thought the same but they were all well-meaning). And yet, look at where we are now?

It’s good to share the up’s and down’s of life with someone. I don’t even bother about fancy dinner dates anymore. But yes, he is still in touch with his softer side and has not forgotten to pamper me from time to time – chocolate, flowers (yup, my favorite pink roses), massages, and what-not’s.

And oh, I read my horoscope a while back, and it did warn me that I might be having a slight surge of nostalgia today. What a coincidence! But will those rose-colored lens of nostalgia be too hard to resist? No, it has brought me into a conclusion that there is no better place to be than right here. *blushes*